


It Keeps Happening

by Mieuxrespirer



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24340384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mieuxrespirer/pseuds/Mieuxrespirer
Summary: Ben was an outcast. All the horrible things he did never to be forgotten.And she. She was a hero.Can’t have the New Republic hero kissing the cruel ex-dictator. Wouldn’t be good for the optics.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the first few chapters right after seeing the last movie. Stumbled on them a few weeks ago, and decided to keep writing.

It keeps happening. 

This time, she’s standing next to her friends, laughing as Finn and Poe fight — again — when it happens. One second she’s laughing. The next, she’s staring into Kylo Ren’s dark eyes.

Ben’s eyes. She still hasn’t gotten used to calling him that. 

She wants to be angry at him. She _is_ somewhat angry at him. But she knows he does not do it on purpose. 

They have both been trying to keep out of each other’s life. To keep out of each other’s head. And they both keep failing miserably. 

A force dyad, he had called it. The dead Emperor. 

She turns her head to Finn. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Poe laughs, still holding their friend’s king in his hand. 

Finn pauses for a second, and frowns, leaning towards her. _He knows._ But he smiles when he asks “Whose side are you on?”

For a brief moment, she wonders if he’s asking about Kylo. About Ben. But of course he isn’t. 

Ben and her are on the same side now. And yet, they have never been farther apart. 

When she came back with him, after they both defeated the Siths, she thought she could explain. She thought her friends would forgive him. 

They did forgive him. For her sake, mostly. But what they did not do is welcome him. 

Ben was an outcast. All the horrible things he did never to be forgotten. 

And she. She was a hero. 

Can’t have the New Republic hero kissing the cruel ex-dictator. Wouldn’t be good for the optics. Not that she wants to. _My friends would never understand._

“I’m clearly the chess master here Finn. Sorry, but you can’t change the rules of a centuries old game just cause you’re a sore loser.” Theatrically, Poe sweeps his hand over the board, sending the 3D holo chess pieces into Oblivion. 

But Finn doesn’t even flinch. He’s still observing her quietly.

She knows Ben watches her too, as she answers, kissing her friend lightly on the cheek :

“I’m on BB8’s side. As always.” 

The droid makes a content sound, rolling closer to her side. She pats his head as both men resume their arguing. 

She ignores Ben. 

That’s what they do. 

They ignore each other. They ignore _this_. Whatever this is. 

She’s so preoccupied with Ben though that she misses the flash of something — jealousy perhaps — in Poe’s eyes. 

They spend the remainder of their night exchanging stories. Well, Finn and Poe do. Rey just listens while Ben watches her. 

Eventually, the link falters, and Ben disappears again.

She ignores the ache deep within her heart. 

At least, she tries.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s hard to pretend, but she has to. 

They have not seen each other in months. Not outside their heads, anyway. 

She can’t help staring at him. He looks tired. And painfully sad. 

Alone. 

He’s been chasing the few Siths who managed to escape Exegol. The only reason he’s back is the strange illness they’ve both been experiencing. 

It was Poe’s idea to ask him to come here. 

He believes the distance between them is what is making them both ill. He believes it just as much as he hopes he’s wrong. 

But he’s not wrong.

Rey knows it. She felt herself getting better, breathing deeper. She felt the force around her stirring more and more the closer he got. 

And now that he is standing in front of her, she finally feels like she can breathe. 

“So. How do you feel?” 

Finn looks at her intently. She gives him the answer he wants. 

“The same.”

Ben shakes his head. “She’s lying.” 

“Shut up and let her speak.” 

Poe shouted the phrase. It sounded spiteful. Angry. 

She sighs.

She looks at Ben again. She wants him to stop talking. He’s only gonna make things worse. 

“She hasn’t felt this good in weeks. We need to remain close. Physically.”

He emphasizes the last word. Finn looks positively savage. She thinks he’s gonna punch him for a moment, but he turns at her instead. 

Poe just looks resigned. 

“I...” She doesn’t know what to say. 

“I’ll stay close by for the time being.” Ben interrupts. 

He turns to leave, but Finn’s voice stops him. 

“She doesn’t want to see you you know. The only reason you are allowed here is this... thing between you.” 

_Our bond._

She almost corrects Finn. 

Ben doesn’t turn back. She wishes she felt relief as he walks out. 

But all she feels is sadness.


	3. Chapter 3

When she gets it, everything becomes more complicated. 

Finn and Poe are not only competing for her attention; they’re competing for her affection. 

“Poe currently has the people’s favor.” C3P0 explains, matter of factly. 

People are placing bets about her love life. And she only learns this now. 

She groans, and C3P0 stays silent. She interprets this rare feat as sympathy. 

She’s getting tired of their bickering. When she’s with the both of them, they act like teenagers. Ego-driven, empty-headed teenagers. 

And when she’s alone with one of them, she does everything in her power to avoid talking about her future. Her emotions. Her wishes. 

The worst is when Ben is there.

She seems him often. In her head, and around the halls of the castle. 

He ignores her. She doesn’t know when he started doing that, but it annoys her immensely. 

She’s supposed to be ignoring him. Not the other way around. 

It has to be the Force that she runs into him. Literally. 

“Sorry.” She says.

It’s a reflex. But she doesn’t have to look into his eyes to know she just ran straight into Kylo Ren. Into Ben.

Her awareness of him is unique. 

It’s like the force stirs around him, against him, in him. It pulls at her, twists at her inner strength. 

Sometimes, it feels like she’s melting into him. Or him into her. 

She looks up, and his eyes are dark. It’s been weeks since she looked at them. Since he stared back. 

She realizes she is still snug against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, to keep her from falling. Slowly, he untangles them. And still, she does not move.

“Hi.”

The word is too simple. It sounds foreign out of his mouth. She can feel his breath. He smells of spices and warmth and... energy. 

She blushes. And his smile grows wolffish. It makes her shiver. 

He looks like he just won some grand prize. He looks like Kylo Ren, in that moment. 

She takes a step back. She wishes she didn’t miss his warmth. And the way the Force moves around him. Around them. 

“I hear you’re worried about your suitors?” He mocks her. 

She can feel herself getting angry. 

“Poe’s the popular choice right now. But we both know you’re not gonna end up with him.”

“Finn is just a friend.” She retorts. Voice sharp. 

He takes one step closer to her. And she feels his breath against her ear as he says :

“Oh I know.“

He brushes past her.


	4. Chapter 4

“I...” 

“Let me speak Rey” Finn interrupts, grabbing her left arm. He takes a long, deep breath. “It’s alright. I know you love him.”

She cannot look at him, so she stares at their feet. He loosens his grip on her and slowly, carefully, raises her chin up with his other hand. His kind, brown eyes are full of understanding. 

“Hey... It’s alright. We wouldn’t work like that anyway. We’re like...” He smiles and pauses for a few seconds. “We’re like Luke and Leia. Brother and sister. Best friends and all.”

She hugs him then and he wraps his arms around her. 

“I missed you.“ It’s sincere. She’s been avoiding Finn for days now. Since C3P0’s grand reveal.

“I mean... Clearly you’re crazy for falling in love with _that_.” He says softly. And she can’t believe it. 

How did Finn, out of all people, figure this out? Why is he so accepting? 

“I’m clearly more handsome and all. But I guess the Sexy Resistance Pilot thing works too.” He adds as he lets her go.

He doesn’t get it after all. 

She forces a smile and says nothing. 

Finn and her are best friends again after that. 

That’s all that matter.

* * *

“I can feel it you know.” 

“Really?”

“Really.”

She’s sitting with Finn under a huge tree near the castle, their backs to the massive trunk. They have been spending most of their free time together, since what Finn calls “the talk”. Sometimes, Ben is there too. But he never talks. Won’t even look at her. 

They are surrounded by green. Herb, trees, flowers. This is what she loves the most about Naboo; it’s so different from Jakku. 

“I can’t do what you do but I can... I can sense things.“ He explains, a deep frown on his face. “Sometimes, it feels like you and him are the same person.”

She smiles slightly at that. “I think we are, in a way.” 

She lowers her hand and closes her first slowly. A pine cone rises from the ground. 

“I died back there, you know.” 

The pine cone twirls in the air. Finn nods. “I know.”

She lets it fall to the ground again.

“We were always...“ She searches her words. “Compatible. In the Force, I mean.” She pauses briefly. ”Now it feels like we share the same core, the same energy.”

He nods again.

“When he went away, the Force around you...” He stops and turns to stare at her. “It dimmed, I guess.” 

Now it’s her turn to nod. “I know.” 

They both fall silent again. She resumes levitating the pine cone. 

“Do you think Poe will understand?” Finn asks suddenly. 

“I doubt it.” She sighs. 

She hasn’t found the courage to tell him the truth about Poe — about Ben. It’s good to have a close friend again. And Finn is at least polite to Ben now. That’s progress, isn’t it? 

As if on cue, Ben shows up then. In her head, at least. 

“He’s there, isn’t he?” Her friend asks. 

She nods, but she’s staring at Ben, who’s avoiding her gaze entirely. 

“I will be gone for a few days.” His voice is soft, and this, more than anything else, is what alarms her. 

“Is everything alright?” Finn looks alarmed too. He’s staring at her. 

But Ben is gone. And when she tries to reach for him, there’s only silence.


	5. Chapter 5

He’s back eight days later with a child. 

A twelve year old human. Short for his age. With dark eyes, pale skin and golden locks of hair. 

But that’s not what she notices first. At first, all she sees is the Force. 

Finn gives her a meaningful look — he senses it too. 

“He was a slave.” Ben explains, matter-of-factly. Slavery is theoretically illegal now. Although without a functional Republic in place, Galactic laws are virtually impossible to enforce. “I ran into him a few months ago, but I lost him. I have been trying to locate him ever since.”

She realizes at that moment that the child is holding Ben’s hand tightly. He looks weary, almost scared. 

Ben kneels in front of him. “She will teach you.” He says softly. 

“Will I?” Rey asks, quirking a brow.

He just stares a her, still kneeling next to the child. In the end, it’s Finn who answers. “Of course you will!” 

And that’s how it starts.

* * *

That night, she walks to his apartments for the first time. 

She’s angry, tired and frustrated. _He should have told me._

But mostly, she’s relieved. _Ben is alive._

When she reaches the door to his quarters, she almost turns back. She’s shaking a little. She cannot tell if it is from anger or anticipation. Or both. Probably both. 

In the end, she knocks on the door three times, and holds her breath. 

He lets her in almost immediately. She takes a few steps inside; it’s a near perfect replica of her own quarters, except smaller. Stone-like walls, wooden furniture with intricate designs, velvety drapes everywhere. The Queen of Naboo spares no expenses for her guests. 

She hears him closing the door behind her slowly, almost carefully. 

_I was worried sick._ She wants to say. _I missed you in my mind._

But instead, she sounds spiteful : “Why did you silence it?” _Our bond_ is left unsaid. But he knows. Of course he knows. 

“I was only gone for eight days.” He sounds angry too. Somehow, that deflates her. 

“I thought something had happened to you.” _My mind felt empty. Lonely._ She turns to face him, but he’s avoiding her gaze. 

“I needed a break.” His response hurts her more than she’d care to admit. She never needs a break from their bond. In fact, she often feels like she wants it too much. Desires it too much. She’s afraid of it. Afraid of just how much she craves it. Craves him. Them. 

They remain silent for a few seconds. She parts her lips to say something, but he talks first: “I’m sure Finn took great care of you.” 

She’s puzzled for a moment. He sounds bitter. _Jealous._

Is _that_ what this is about? She wants to laugh, punch him and kiss him, all at the same time. In the end, she settles for taking a few steps towards him, grabbing his jaw with one hand, and forcing him to look at her. 

He looks hurt and confused and hopeful, all at the same time. She kisses him then. 

It’s wet, chaotic, and _hot_. She’s tall, but he’s taller, and she has to stand on the tip of her toes to reach him. Eventually, he grabs her hips, almost bruising, and hauls her up. He flips them around and she ends up with her back to the closed door, her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands in his hair, her tongue in his mouth. 

She feels like his hands are everywhere. Like _he_ is everywhere. And he is, in a way. The Force around them is swirling and if it had emotions, Rey would describe it as overjoyed, even ecstatic. 

They stop kissing to catch a breath, and Ben trails more kisses down her jaw, bites her neck. She realizes, just then, that he is fully erect under his tunic. As he presses her even harder into the door, she can feel him against her, through the thin fabric of her pants. Can feel herself getting wet. 

Somehow, she manages to gesture towards the bed. And somehow, Ben understands what she wants. 

They fall in bed together, and she peels the tunic from his back, caressing every new inch of skin. He has scars — several she inflected herself. He’s breathtaking. 

She’s never done this before. It’s not like there were a lot of... opportunities on Jakku. And things got busy after that. She feels a bit self-conscious. But this is Ben. Somehow, she always knew it would end up like this. _They_ were always meant to be like this. 

He stares at her, completely still, as she removes her own top. He looks fascinated. She wants to laugh, but she’s too hot. She throws the piece of clothing away... And that’s when she notices it. 

A shawl, embroidered with a fine, golden thread and some kind of jewellery. She could have missed it, but it looks utterly out of place in Ben’s apartment. She frowns. 

She turns to Ben, and that’s when she gets it. Really, she could have missed it. But a guilty expression is painted all over his face. 

He tries to stop her when she gets up, but she pushes him away easily — the Force always reacts promptly to her anger. 

She sees him talking, explaining perhaps, but she hears nothing. She feels... She feels ashamed, as she puts her clothes back on, her nipples still erect, her core still wet between her legs. She feels betrayed. She feels like a fool. 

That night, she builds a new wall between their mind. 

A tall, limitless wall.


	6. Chapter 6

She hates politics. 

She’s not good at it. 

But Kylo Ren eats politicians for breakfast. And Ben is just as good — perhaps better. She resents him for it. Especially today. 

The last few weeks have been difficult. She’s hurt, and the emptiness in her head is slowly taking its toll. She hopes it’s worse for Ben somehow... and regrets having the thought almost immediately. 

It’s the Force. Their bond is throbbing, constantly pulling at her. It’s tiring.

She notices, then, that Finn is staring at her, a worried frown on his face. 

“I don’t know what happened with Ben, but you can’t shut him out indefinitely.” He says softly. 

She closes her eyes. 

Ben and Finn have been getting along, working together to trace, find and recruit promising kids. Future Jedi. 

That’s what Rey wanted just a few weeks ago. But it feels like a lifetime has passed, since then. 

Now, if she’s honest, she almost resents Finn for it. How could he let Ben seduce him this quickly? Without her best friend, and without the bond, she feels completely alone. 

“Don’t talk to me about him.” She says as she gets up. 

He grabs her hand. “Rey, look. I’m sure... I-I _know_ he’s sorry.”

She laughs at that. “Do you?”

He sighs, but let’s her go. He has tried to convince her to see him the last three times they talked. Every time she refuses. She feels petty. Like a child. 

But she can’t see him. She’s certain if she does, she’ll break. And she needs to heal, somehow, before.

When they meet again, she cannot love him. Not the way she does now. 

As she walks back to her apartments, she thinks of the Jedi. She’s been studying the ancient texts. Preparing to teach, to guide. 

Luke has been a wonderful teacher. But he never taught her the Code. It makes sense though, that Jedi would reject love. Not love as a whole of course. But romantic love. 

Love leads to jealousy. Jealousy leads to fear of loss. And fear leads to the Dark Side. 

She often wonders why Luke did not share this with her. And she wonders even more about the Force, about their bond. 

Isn’t it cruel, to tie them like this, if she cannot love him? How is she supposed _not_ to fall in love with him, when their minds crave each other? When their bodies share the same energy? 

Maybe it’s a test. _Or maybe I’m just weak._

Clearly, Ben does not love her. Not the way she does, at least. 

Oh, he would have sex with her. She knows that now. Just like he had sex with whoever owned that fucking shawl. 

She knows he did. Not because of the shawl itself. Someone could have forgotten it. It’s a simple enough piece of fabric. 

She knows because of the guilt — or was it pity — painted across his face. 

She takes the last turn, and someone is standing in front of her door. It’s Poe. Smiling, warm, dangerous Poe.

Of course it is. 

She’s been avoiding him too. Not because she doesn’t like him. But because he wants something she’s not ready to give him. Something she will never be able to give him. 

She gives him a weak smile and he hugs her. 

“Are you going to the thing tonight?” He asks. Poe is always straightforward. She likes that about him. 

“The gala?” She asks, opening the door to her place and gesturing for him to get inside. He nods. 

“Yes. I’m going. Sadly.” She sighs theatrically and lets herself fall on her sofa. 

He sits in the red chair in front of her. “Can I come with?” He blushes a little, and she almost laughs. Poe is not one to blush. “Not as a couple or anything.” He adds in the same breath. “I just... I didn’t get an invite, and I need to chat with some senators.”

She laughs at that. A good-natured, happy laugh. “It’s all politics with you!” She looks at the old fashioned clock on the wall. “Are they really calling it the Second New Republic?”

He chuckles. “It’s a mouthful, isn’t it?”

She pauses for a moment, straightening her white tunic. “Of course we can go together. These things are painful. I’ll be glad to have you.”

He grins. “Don’t talk too fast, I’m a horrible dancer.” 

She pales. “Wait. Are we really supposed to dance?“

“Except if you plan on offending the Queen of Naboo” he says, gravely. But there’s a twinkle in his eyes. 

“I can’t dance. Really, I can’t. I’m not even sure I’ve _seen_ people dance before.“ 

“Really?” There’s no hint of judgement in his voice. Just surprise. 

“Dance isn’t a big thing on Jakku.” She explains. 

“Well, we still got a few hours before the gala.” He says, standing up. 

“You’re serious?” She looks genuinely horrified.

“Come on Rey. You saved the Galaxy. Surely you can dance with me?” He’s extends his right hand. 

“There’s no music.” She protests, weakly, as she stands next to him. 

But in the end, she dances with him. 

It’s awkward and funny and far from gracious, especially at the beginning. Poe is not a bad dancer, but she’s a complete novice. 

“So is this a traditional dance from Naboo?” She asks during one of many breaks, practically lying on the couch. 

“Not at all. It’s part of many cultures. We don’t really know where it’s from, originally. It used to be called something like _waltz_.”

They dance for at least 0200 hours. Until Poe has to leave to get dressed and such. 

When she closes the door behind him, Rey realizes something. 

It’s the first time she forgot about Ben in weeks.


	7. Chapter 7

She hates the dress. 

It was made especially for her, “sur mesure”. It’s white, uncomfortably narrow, and way too revealing. It restrains her movements. 

She wears it anyway. At least it has a cape. She shivers under it.

Naboo is not a cold planet per say — it’s just that every planet seems cold compared to the blistering heat of Jakku. 

Poe is already waiting for her at the side entrance of the Grand Hall, when she gets there at 1900 hours sharp. He’s dressed entirely in white, just like her: a simple but elegant tunic, trousers, and a long, velvety overcoat. He looks like a Naboo prince. 

He beams at her. She grimaces. He laughs. She smiles — a real smile this time. 

A bulky droid opens the door for them. She takes a deep breath before she enters. 

She cannot remember why she agreed to it in the first place. A gala full of politicians. She’d rather sit in a room full of Siths. 

_At least I’m not alone._ Just as the thought graces her mind, Poe squeezes her hand — an encouraging gesture. He knows how painful these things are for her. 

She _really_ hates politics. 

Just then, she seems him. 

He’s hard to miss, tall as he is. And even if she missed his dark hair sticking out of the crowd, she couldn’t miss the Force. 

Rey closes her eyes for a moment. Breathes in. Out. Good. She needs to remain calm if she wants the wall she put up in her mind to hold. The Force crashes against it in waves.

She can’t help staring at him from afar. 

He’s on the other side of the room, but for a second, she can see part of his face. He’s laughing at something. 

It’s impressive, how good he is at this. Fitting in. 

In the end, it took him only a few months to start moving pieces around the chessboard that is the Second New Republic’s political scene. 

Oh, Kylo Ren might be a tyrant and a murderer... but Ben Solo saved the Galaxy. The fact that he inherited General Organa’s money does help. 

“Rey Skywalker and Poe Dameron. Heroes of the Rebellion.”

An old, gravelly voice interrupts her thoughts... and her staring. She turns to the man — a Senator — and nods. 

It takes her a moment, but she finally recognizes him. He’s from Coruscant. She’s sure of that. But she can’t pin down his name. 

“Gavid, good to see you.” 

_Gavid Anguard._ She remembers now. He has been lobbying to move the Senate back to its historical location in Coruscant. 

Most rebels are against it. But then, she should really stop calling them Rebels — there is, after all, nothing left to rebel against. Coruscant is considered a “centrist” planet. As Poe once eloquently put it, that’s just another word for “coward”. 

“Senator.” She nods towards the man, but says nothing more. People are used to her guarded manners anyway. 

She should not worry. Poe leads the conversation with his usual charm. He would make a great politician... if he was just a little less impulsive... and a better liar. 

It doesn’t take long for a small group to encircle them. Rey absolutely hates it. How everyone seems so eager to speak to her. Never _with_ her though. 

Gavid’s wife, a short, snotty woman called Frahee, monologues at her for what feels like hours.

When she finally manages to escape, she walks straight to the gardens at the back of the room. She keeps her head down; the worst thing you can do at these events is look someone in the eye. It’s like wearing a sign that says “TALK TO ME” in bold, flashing letters. 

When she reaches the gardens, she can finally breathe. She finds a tall tree in a dark corner, leans against it, and closes her eyes. Breathes in. Out. 

She knows he’s there before he pronounces one word. She keeps her eyes closed. She can’t look at him. 

“Rey.” 

He speaks softly, almost carefully. She hates him for it. 

“Ben, just go.” She wants to speak, but she whispers. 

“We need to talk.” He almost pleads. And that makes her look straight into his eyes. 

She sighs. “We really don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” It sounds sincere, and she can’t help but smile. A joyless smile. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I thought you knew.”

She looks down and shuts her eyes for a moment. It’s hard, being this close to him. Their bond is throbbing; she can feel it, even with the thick, solid wall in her mind. 

“You can’t keep me out forever.” He adds, in a whisper. “Our bond. It’s bigger, stronger than us.” He takes a step towards her and she realizes that she unconsciously leaned towards him. 

She would step back, if she could, but all she can manage is to lean back, her body flush against the tree’s trunk. 

“Rey I...” He looks down. 

“Don’t.” She cuts him. “It’s fine.” She grabs his chin and slowly raises his head then. “You never promised me anything. And we could never be together anyway.” 

She lets her hand drop and she notices, then, that Ben is trembling. She can’t help reaching towards him through the bond. Just a little. A ghost of a touch. 

He breathes in. Out. “Look. Serethia and I...”

“Don’t.” She interrupts, but he talks over her. 

“I don’t love her.” He says, louder than before. 

She closes her eyes again. “I don’t care.”

“I think you do.” He takes one more step towards her. They are almost touching now, and Rey can feel the Force trying to pull her towards him... or him towards her. She breathes in, and all she can smell is him. 

When Ben speaks again, it’s in a low, deliberate voice. “I think you care a lot.” She releases the breath she’s been holding, and he half smiles. “Am I right?”

She can feel the tall wall between their mind starting to crumble. She wants to know if he’s telling the truth. She wants to hear his thoughts and embrace his soul and merge with him once again 

But Poe saves her. 

“Rey? Rey are you back there?”

Somehow, her friend’s voice wakes her from her transe. 

“I need to go.” She pushes past Ben unceremonious, taking long strides, putting as much distance as she can between them. 

A look. A few words. That’s all he needs to make her lose control.

It’s no wonder the Jedi rejected this. 

She needs to clear her mind. She needs... 

“The dance has started.” Poe holds out his hand and she grabs it almost reflexively. They did practice all afternoon, after all. 

Later, she closes her eyes, sometimes leaning against him, sometimes stepping back and twirling. She almost manages to clear her mind, following his movements with the Force. 

She decides she likes dancing. It’s much easier than meditation. 

Between two dances, she blinks and notices Ben. He’s not dancing, but he is standing next to a tall, lean Echani woman. 

Rey doen’t know much about the Echani people — or their homeworld of Eshan, to be honest. They are fierce warriors. And this one is beautiful. 

Long, shiny white hair cascading down towards her waist. Piercing, silver eyes adorned with thick, long lashes. Delicate, but angular features. Pale skin. Full lips. 

She’s wearing a simple tunic with tight fitted pants and Rey wonders, for a moment, if she could wear a similar outfit next time, instead of a cumbersome dress. 

And then, she sees it, draped around her shoulders. 

The shawl.


	8. Chapter 8

Her name is Serethia.

She wishes she could hate her. She can’t.

The Echani woman is brilliant. Beautiful. a warrior. And she truly likes Ben. Likes him deeply and openly. Likes him for everyone to see. Without shame.

Perhaps she even loves him. But she cannot think about that. She will not.

Rey knows everything about Serethia. How her father died fighting Kylo Ren’s men. How she forgave Ben. How she became the youngest Senator in the Second New Republic.

It’s not like she’s obsessed with the “golden couple”. Far from it, actually: she’s doing everything in her power not to hear about them.

But it feels like the whole planet is gossiping about Ben and Serethia. Or “Berethia” as some put it.

She scoffs at the thought.

“Are you alright?”

Finn will never be a Jedi, but he’s getting seriously good at sensing her emotions. A little too good.

“Fine.”

“You’ve been staring at him for the past ten minutes.”

He’s not exaggerating. In fact, she’s staring at Ben so intently, if she was using the Force, she could literally be burning a hole into the back of his head. He’s seated by himself, a few rows before them, slightly to the left.

He’s sitting tall of course, shoulders straight, eyes ahead. Fuck, even the back of his head looks elegant, covered with his silky, wavy dark hair.

It’s no wonder he’s charmed half the Senators already.

Hell, by the time Naboo’s three moons are aligned, he could be Senator himself.

Already, the public is growing to like him. People constantly gossip about his love life. (One rumour even has him in a torrid affair with Poe — which Rey and Finn find absolutely hilarious.)

“Rey. You’re trembling.”

Finn is looking at her expectantly. He’s been sporting his worried look a lot, recently. He acts as if she could explode at any moment. Which is ridiculous. She has no reason, no _right_ to be upset.

Why would she be upset anyway? It’s not like Ben and her were “meant to be” or anything. They were never even together.

There’s nothing between them. Except the Force, of course. But it’s not like they have any control — or choice — over that.

“I’m perfectly fine, thank you.”

Finn begins to say something, but the lights start to dim slowly, and Rey interrupts him. “Where’s Poe?”

As if on cue, their friend shows up... loudly. He mumbles excuses and wiggles his way into their row with great difficulty, bumping into several knees and uttering numerous polite excuses in the process. Finally, he manages to land with a grown in the seat to her right.

“Hi.” He looks disheveled, his shirt half tucked in his pants, his hair all over the place. But he’s smiling with all his teeth and he manages to look as handsome as always.

“Quiet!” Someone mutters, a few rows back. Poe laughs. “Sorry, sorry.”

He whispers his next sentence in her ear. She can feel his breath on her exposed neck. She shivers. “I hate operas.”

She doesn’t really listen to the show. Not because she dislikes it, but because she’s distracted. It’s draining to keep her mind curtained when Ben is physically this close. But it helps, somehow, to think about Poe.

She focuses on him. He’s not Force sensitive like Finn, but he’s still bustling with energy. His own warm, unique brand of energy.

Sometimes, she reaches towards him with the Force. It’s not like reaching to Ben, of course. But it’s good. Her spirit doesn’t crave Poe like it craves its other half, but it definitely likes him. It works much better than meditation, or even dancing.

When the opera is finally over, they wait patiently for the front rowers to exit. Finn and Poe argue about the show, not-quite-shouting over her head. Rey nods absentmindedly; she’s still staring at Ben.

Eventually, he gets up too and she loses him in the crowd.

She startles when Poe grabs her hand. “You’re freezing. Here.” He removes his vest and drapes it around her shoulders. She doesn’t have the will to protest. It’s true anyway, she _is_ cold.   
  


* * *

“I’m going home” she declares. And she can see the disappointment written all over Poe’s face.

“Already? I thought we could dance.” He smiles and grabs her hand, but she takes it back slowly. He lets her.

“I’m sure many people here, human and non-human, would be pleased to dance with you” she says, with a smile. And before he can retort, she adds “Please tell Finn I said goodnight”, turns on her heel and walks towards the exit.

She takes long strides, trying to discourage Poe from following her... So it shouldn’t come as a surprise when she takes a sharp turn into a corridor and walks straight into someone.

She mutters an excuse, planning to continue on, but when she looks up, she’s gazing straight into the silver eyes of Serethia. Ben’s Serethia.

And that would be fine. It would, really!

Except she can feel Ben walking towards them. She can’t see him yet, but she _feels_ him. Feels the Force pulling her towards him again and again. In a few seconds, he’s gonna turn that corner and see her.

“I’m sorry” she repeats. She’s surprised by her own voice: it’s shaking. “It’s fine”, Serethia answers immediately. “You’re Rey, aren’t you? I am honoured to finally meet you.”

But Rey doesn’t really get what she’s saying. All she thinks about is Ben... and the fact that she has to leave this corridor before he sees her. She feels like the wall she erected in her mind could collapse at any moment. She needs to leave. And meditate.

Again, she mutters a polite excuse to Serethia and runs in the opposite direction. The woman will think she’s crazy or weird... or both. Frankly, Rey doesn’t care.

She retraces her steps, trying to clear her head. She used to have more control over her mind. The longer she keeps the wall in her mind standing, the longer she keeps Ben out, the weaker her control.

She can hear the loud music coming from the ballroom. Instead of going back to Poe, she takes a sharp turn and hides into a room, closing the door behind her.

The room is small and barely furnished. A lone sofa in one corner and a small table. But there’s an opened window. Rey stands in front of it and closes her eyes, focusing on the cold outside air. Her heart is beating too fast, and she knows her cheeks are flushed.

She’s so focused on her current state, she misses the creaking of the door being opened slowly. Seconds later, she hears his voice.

“You’ve been avoiding me.“

It’s not a question, so Rey doesn’t answer. She feels cold suddenly, and reflexively pulls on Poe’s jacket, which is still draped around her shoulders. She doesn’t turn around to look at him. She can’t.

He takes a couple steps and stops a few feet behind her. The silence between them stretches for a while longer.

“You’re making yourself sick.“

For a moment, Rey thinks he’s talking about the cold air blowing in. But then she realizes he’s referring to their bond.

“I... Look, you don’t have to...“

“I’m fine“ she interrupts him. “We just need to wean ourselves off. In a few weeks, it’ll be like the bond never existed.”

Her voice is soft, almost a whisper. She’s too tired, too weak to bicker with him.

“You can’t believe that“ he reaches for her shoulder, but Rey evades him, sidestepping to the left.

“Poe is waiting for me” she doesn’t look at him, not once, as she exits the room.

She enters the ballroom again and it takes her less than 5 minutes to find Poe. He’s arguing with Finn about something.

She wordlessly grabs his hand, gesturing towards the dance floor. He beams.

When Poe kisses her, hours later, in the corner of the ballroom, it feels warm and inviting. And wrong. It feels completely wrong.

But she knows Ben is watching her.

She kisses him back.


End file.
